One thing I’ve noticed in life and you may have too is that when we truly give up seeking happiness in people, objects and experiences, the fulfilment we believe achieving or experiencing those things will bring never lasts.
We can spend so much time chasing people or things in life but we eventually start seeing is that what we chase in life runs. In fact the very act of us chasing by default causes objects or people to try to escape from us.
One important thing we need to understand is that our desires only have power over us when they remained unfulfilled. The anticipation of something occurring is usually always more exciting or terrifying then when the event actually happens at which point, we are often left with the feeling or thought “ is that it?”
Once the desire if fulfilled and found to be lacking we are off chasing the next experience or object that we think “ definitely this time” will bring us what we are seeking. And that’s the problem, the seeking is the problem.
I titled this blog post “ Life can be like a toxic partner” because life can seem to treat us like one but in the end this isn’t the case, it’s merely trying to guide us to see things as they are. When we chase and seek in life, convinced happiness can be found “out there” life seems to ignore us, tease us, gives us a little taste of happiness before taking it away. In a toxic relationship a partner may do this to us, give us a bit of happiness randomly to keep us hooked but also a lot of misery too.
When we are ready to leave a toxic relationship because we’ve had enough our partner may try to keep us around by being nice again but if we are wise we would not fall for it and again and this is exactly like life…
When you reach a point through wisdom or just through getting to a certain age and can see how the game of life works, you stop caring about trying to seek happiness in people, money, status etc. I’m not saying that we give up trying to achieve anything in life, we just realise that we must still live life according to our conditioning and karma but the expectation of lasting happiness from whatever we do or achieve is gone.
Once we reach that point it’s a dangerous level of freedom and peace. It’s funny because once we “ give up” on life, just like the toxic partner who ignores us and takes us for granted, once they know we want to leave they usually turn on the charm. When you truly want nothing from life anymore, so often everything you wanted before seems to come to you.
Once you truly reach that point, whether what you wanted comes or not, you won’t care because the peace and happiness was never in the objects themselves but was rather in the absence of seeking itself. Why do we fulfil desires? Because the moment after fulfilling them the desire drops away and peace shines. We don’t want what we desire we want to experience the peace that the absence of desire brings but the only problem is every time we fulfil a desire we reinforce the habit to do it again and on and on it goes…
We can live a life endlessly chasing desires, once we fulfil one another appears, then another, then another….we can keep doing this and never feeling complete or we can see how the game of life works and realise by choosing not to play it, the peace we were trying to achieve while playing it is found by not playing it at all. In fact the game is wanting us to play with the end goal of not wanting to play….
To find peace in life all that needs to happen is that our desires must turn into preferences. Desires we often times feel must be fulfilled otherwise we won’t be happy…Preferences on the other hand we’d prefer but it’s no big deal if we don’t get it.
Life can appear like a toxic partner when we look at life the wrong way but can also be seen as a wise guru when we see it’s trying to show us that no lasting happiness can be found in it. All we can do is marvel at this fleeting miracle called life and gracefully take what we are given good or bad because in the end it’s all on loan. Our possessions, family and even our bodies must be given back in the end when the entire show is over for us.
Hope this helps someone.