Love, a double edged sword…

All of life operates on the ying yang principle and the feeling of love is no exception. We must realise that how deeply we are willing to fall in love is how far we are willing to fall into despair. Most people at sometime hopefully realise that to love someone fully they must truly love themselves first.

To love someone truly is to give them the sense that we really enjoy them being in our lives, if they were to leave it would feel terrible but it wouldn’t crush us.

When we make the person we love our whole lives we are hurting them and hurting ourselves in a sense. Like everything else in life there are no guarantees, feelings like everything else in life can change over time.

To love in a healthy manner we must be a complete person in our own right, two complete people coming together to complement each other is healthy, two incomplete people expecting the other to complete them is not healthy.

When we make another person our whole lives we are giving them all the power to make us happy or sad, it’s not fair on us and not fair on them because no one has the power to make us happy all the time, we are all flawed individuals.

” But they promised me this!, but they said that! But they did this or that!” We must realise that in the moment that when loved ones are telling us what we want to hear or doing what we want them to do that yes, in that moment they meant what they said, but like everything else in life nothing is static, everything is in constant flow, none of us are the same person from one moment to the next, in the moment that the words ” I love you” were spoken they meant it, that moment has passed though, they either feel the same in this moment or they don’t and there is nothing that we can do, no one can control their feelings like no one can control the weather.

Of course this is all easy to write or say but when faced with being disappointed or hurt by loved ones of course it fucking hurts in the moment. Life wasn’t meant to be easy, which is why we must learn to prepare and learn to be able to handle when things go wrong, when the ying yang principle takes effect. Those that have the power to make us feel good also have the power to take it away.

We must always be our own person, we must always strive to become a better person and we must always have our own lives. All of our suffering at the end of the day stems from our egoic mind.

Our egoic mind gives us the sense that we are a static, fixed person moving through time and space. Because our ego believes we are fixed and solid it assumes that everything and everyone is as well but it’s not the case. When we see that nothing is fixed, everything is in constant flow, especially our thoughts and feelings we can start realising that nothing is solid, nothing can be clung onto, to cling to anything causes suffering.

All we have is this moment but we should never cling to it. When we are feeling love we should embrace the feeling but realise it will pass, when we are feeling hurt we must embrace the feeling but again realise it will pass. Not being attached to anyone or anything in life doesn’t mean becoming a stone cold robot, it’s in fact the opposite, it’s about embracing whatever the moment presents us without wishing it was different and if we can’t help wishing it was different we must embrace the feeling that we wish it was different.

Love feels wonderful but it has no guarantees and if we want to feel the highs love give us we must prepare in advance for the lows it can bring us down to and to prepare for that we must become our own person, not needing love from others but of course appreciating it if we are lucky enough to experience it.

My thoughts anyway,

Thanks for reading,

Simon Coleman.

Nobody cares and why it’s a good thing..

Nobody ultimately cares about our life, Nobody ultimately cares about us. Hearing this at first may sound like a bad thing but I really believe it’s a good thing.

To be human we must have an ego, our ego is required to give us a sense of feeling separate which is a good thing, if I don’t feel I’m ” over here” then I can’t interact and enjoy everything ” over there” that I’m apparently not, separation is an illusion but a required one so we can experience the miracle we call life.

Our ego has problems too, one of the biggest problems it can have is feeling that our problems are the most important thing in the world. To be honest in a sense that is true because no one can live our lives but us, we are the main character in our movie, our problems are our world.

One thing we must understand though is while our ego cares about our lives and our problems, we must remember that nobody else ultimately does because they have their own lives and problems to deal with.

What I’m saying may sound obvious but how often do we worry what others think or how they perceive us? Even the people that say ” I don’t care what others think about me” usually only say it when receiving criticism, I’ve never heard anyone use that line when receiving praise.

We all naturally worry about our lives and how we are perceived by others but when we come to realise nobody ultimately cares, instead of feeling like it’s a bad thing, like our egos probably think it is, we should see it as a liberating thing.

While we walk around worrying what others think of us they are doing the same. They don’t have time or probably don’t even notice our perceived flaws because they are too busy worrying about their own perceived flaws that we don’t notice.

On the flip side if we are walking around dressed well, or driving around in a nice car etc it may turn peoples heads in the moment but after the moment has passed they quickly move back to thinking about their own lives, whether it’s how good they are feeling about themselves or about how bad they are feeling about themselves.

What I’m ultimately trying to say is we shouldn’t feel as embarrassed, awkward or insecure as we can sometimes feel because nobody ultimately cares how beautiful or ugly we are, nobody cares about our successes or failures because they are too worried about their own, realising this is very liberating.

Does this mean what’s the point of trying to look good, achieve success, accomplish goals etc if nobody cares? It doesn’t mean that at all because somebody does care, you. In the end we must do what makes us happy because while people will be there to congratulate us in the moment or feel bad for us in the moment it’s only just for a moment then they quickly get back to thinking about their own success and failures.

In the end nobody is ultimately going to care how much we succeed or how much we fail, we are all human and we all experience the same emotions of fear, regret, insecurities, doubt etc at some point in our lives. We must truly not care what people think of us good or bad because in the end they don’t care, in realising this, looked at in the right way, will bring a sense of relief and peace.

Thanks for reading,

Simon Coleman.