It’s so easy to blame others for problems in our life. ” if only they did this or didn’t do that things would be different, my life would’ve been better…” In some situations this can be true, but many times what could have been is not always what would have been.
I was fortunate enough long ago to realise that when we start taking responsibility in our life we don’t feel like a victim, we feel empowered. Taking responsibility for our lives doesn’t mean trying to control things out of our control it means really making an effort to control the things we can control.
I’m never upset or regret external factors that enter my life, what I do regret and get upset about though is not living up to my core beliefs and values, I get upset when I go against what I believe in at which point I vow to improve next time.
An example of this is being too nice or people pleasing. I’ve found over the years that I’m quick to help others even when I feel it’s wrong. Often, helping them only fixes the short term problem but never solves their long term pattern of making wrong choices.
People get good at what they practice good or bad, if people get used to being helped out constantly they get good at being helped. People that help constantly also get good at helping.
The problem in this example isn’t with helping the problem is if it’s constant we aren’t letting the person learn for themselves. I’ve found in my life that constantly helping others even when I feel it’s not right is selfish on my part. By helping it makes me feel better in the moment but I’m stopping them from learning a lesson so they can change and grow. Also helping too much can cause resentment if you aren’t strong enough at times to say no and do it anyway.
Anyway, back to the topic. Playing a victim in life is not only unproductive but lazy as well. We can blame others for taking advantage of us or we can realise we need to say no at times. We can blame toxic people in our lives or we can choose to cut them out. We can blame Men being all about looks or Women being all about money or we can try everyday to be the best version of ourselves, mentally, spiritually, physically and financially.
Shit happens, that’s life, but every situation that goes wrong in our life, when we aren’t stuck in victim mode is a chance to learn a valuable lesson. Everything that goes wrong in my life for instance I like to reflect back and think what I could’ve said or done to change the situation.
Growth requires stress. If we want a nice looking, strong body we must expose it to physical stress, if we want a strong mind, better friendships or relationships or if we want a better financial situation we must step into and get comfortable with being uncomfortable, we must do the things we don’t want to do to get the things we want.
When we play the victim and blame others constantly, yes it’s comfortable which is why it’s bad. Everyday we must learn from our mistakes and we must instead of moving away from uncomfortable feelings and situations, be brave enough to walk into them. If we push ourselves in some way everyday either physically, mentally, socially etc, slowly, slowly we can look back and see ourselves growing in a positive way over the years, we will realise that problems in life aren’t there because life or God hates us they are there to develop wisdom and strength inside of us on various levels.
Playing the victim causes us to die in so many ways, taking responsibility as much as possible in our lives causes us to grow, plus it makes healthy and positive people want to be around us. People can sympathise with our problems but at the end of the day everyone has their own problems to deal with and no one likes to constantly hear sob stories especially about things that can’t be changed.
My thoughts anyway,
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